9. Validation Through Others

Bridge to Earth

As thrilled as I was with the shift in the paradigm of my reality and the personal transformation I was experiencing, in the early years I periodically wondered whether I was making all this up in my head.  I never thought I was going crazy; yet, I was going through this experience in total (self-imposed) isolation, not sharing it or validating with anyone else.  The first validation of energy I had through another adult person was completely unintentional.  Around the time I had just finished reading the first two pivotal books, a woman who had just moved into the neighborhood struck up a friendship with me.  Although I had rarely met someone as intelligent, insightful, honest, and interesting as her, she was like a tornado– an intense, whirling ball of angry energy– due to her life experiences as well as her inherent, beautifully-passionate personality.  I began to notice that after spending perfectly enjoyable afternoons in conversation with her, I felt twitchy and my hands shook when I got home.  Once, I was overwhelmingly consumed for a few days with the thought that she should make a certain key life decision– which I felt was none of my business– so much so that I could barely care for my children or go about other daily functions.  She showed up the next afternoon at my door, saying that she’d been thinking hard for the past few days about the same life decision that had dominated my thoughts.  It was only after moving away from her about a year later that I realized that I had been absorbing much of her emotional and mental energy.  I wondered whether I had been sensitive to other people’s energies all my life without knowing it, and that is one reason why I had felt discomfort being around people while growing up.

When my son was between three and four, he exhibited quite a bit of intuition, even picking up information that I did not think he necessarily needed to know.  In search of practical advice to help guide him, I approached an institute in the area that taught psychic development.  I was searching for advice for myself, too, having recently recognized my empathic nature, but I don’t know if I would have had the nerve to go to a physical building and talk to real people at that time had I not been motivated by my son’s intuitive expressions.  I ended up taking a class there about personal energy management and protection.  While I didn’t completely resonate with all aspects of the experience, that experience as a whole served to solidly validate the reality of the human energy for me.  There, we “played” with our energies and interacted with each other’s energies.  In a focused state of light meditation, I could physically feel the rush of another student’s energy toward me as I listened to his telling me about the terrible day or the wonderful breakthrough that he had.  I found that my body’s reaction then matched with the emotional content of that person’s experience– extremely jittery or euphoric.  Fellow students were able to accurately describe to me the appearance of the grounding image I made up in my mind, an advanced student even telling me once that it’s working better since I made it much thicker than I had the previous week (which I had, in my mind).  At the moment the instructor “threw” energy of competition at us students, I saw the protective symbol I was imagining in my head jump up and glow brightly to absorb this energy, although the instructor had not told us what he did or when till afterwards.  When I first learned about this mental tool of protective symbol visualization, I misunderstood the instructions and visualized the symbol actually touching my aura, instead of hovering just outside of my aura.  During one class, when we were briefly exposed to a large crowd of people outside of this learning institute, I saw my protective symbol suddenly grow as big as the ceiling of the room in my mind, and felt a tremendous, overwhelming pulsation through my body.  My instructor actually saw what was happening with my mental symbol, and was able to advise that I need to take it out of my aura so that I’m not absorbing everything in my environment through it.

Through these kinds of experiences, I saw how real my thought creations are, that they are literally able to interact with the outside physical environment and be perceived by others, albeit at different levels.  Conversely, I saw how other people’s mental and emotional energies, both consciously and non-consciously created, interact with me.

Subsequently, over the years, I began to seek out others who are open to the spiritual and creative nature of humans and who share my beliefs.  I explored Reiki healing, attended Unity churches for a while, and have been to many meetings of like-minded people found through the social networking website Meetup.com.[1] Initially, to keep reminding myself that what I’m experiencing is real and not only in my head, this outside validation of our energy nature was critical to me.  What the heck– even today, it is just as important for me to periodically validate the reality of this new reality through other human beings.  There is also much joy in these connections.

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[1] http://www.meetup.com, retrieved on April 3, 2010.