I’ve been putting off sharing more about the music I’ve been hearing inside my head, but I think it’s time. I mentioned in “Chapter 10. Something Happens” of my online book Bridge to Earth, that in January of 2008, I started hearing beautiful, ringing, musical tones inside my head. I’ve been putting off posting about this music (which I’ve been hearing since then) until I can figure out exactly what it is, but thus far haven’t been able to arrive at a definitive explanation. So, as usual, I invite you to join me in the midst of my journey, as I pore through my rather sporadic journal pages in an attempt to gather my observations and thoughts about this music.
Here are my general observations of the music in a timeline, along with some of what I was experiencing in my life at the time. I have to warn you that despite the few years of piano lessons in my youth, my knowledge of music is minimal, and I feel somewhat limited even in the vocabulary to adequately describe this music I’m hearing.
January 2008: I first hear this music.
The tones I first heard at the beginning of 2008 were very distinct, clear, and loud. They were definitely “musical” in the sense that the tones were pure, arranged in musical intervals, and were pleasing to the ears. The tones “rang” beautifully (reminding me of the echoing of whale songs), as if crystalline bells were ringing, or crystalline glasses filled with water were being played. I would never mistake these pure, consonant, ringing tones for the noise of passing cars, the wind through tree branches, or animals outside. The first hearing of this music came during the period I was experiencing bodily vibrations and visions (Please see Chapter 10 of book Bridge to Earth). I continued to hear this music in the late evenings and nights, after the house had quieted down and as I drifted off to sleep, although it was not quite as loud as in the first few nights I heard it. Over time, it became a part of my regular bedtime environment, one that I looked forward to and quietly enjoyed.
As I described in the book Bridge to Earth, the beginning of 2008 was, I felt, a time of significant inner shift for me.
October 2009: I begin to hear the music throughout the day.
Whereas I had been hearing the music only in the late evenings and nights up to this time (presumably when my mind was particularly quiet), one day near the end of October 2009, I began to hear it on and off throughout the day. I remember driving on the highway in broad daylight that day, and hearing the music quite loudly while inside my car. I remember noticing that it seemed to be louder as my car passed through a tunnel. I heard the music while doing the dishes, running errands in stores, and in between conversational exchanges with other people. I remember exclaiming to myself, “What in the world is going on??!!!” The music was based on a repeating arrangement of tones related to one another like the notes of an extended chord, building upon each other. I can’t quite pinpoint the color of the sound as that of any one particular instrument, but maybe that of a well-synchronized chorus of string and wind instruments (violins? cellos? brass instruments?). The tempo at this time was fast and furious, and the volume loud, giving a sense of urgency. The music was so loud and persistent at this time in October that I remember even being mildly annoyed with it at one point.
I definitely felt a shift in myself during this period. I felt mentally energized and had a level of clarity that I had not possessed before. I knew at this time with absolute certainty that I would share my personal experiences with others through a book and a website, which eventually became the material you are reading. Although the idea of sharing my experiences and thoughts had entered my mind before, I had also felt inhibited (paralyzed!) by my closet full of doubts and fears. At this time, however, it was as if the music gave me the clarity and the boost I needed to do something that I had agreed to do a long time ago. It is a joy to have such crystalline clarity about any decision in life (even in the face of fear)! I began writing the first pages of Bridge to Earth at this time.
As time went on, I got used to hearing the music at different times during the day and night, and again, it became a part of my regular environment which I accepted. Some days, I didn’t hear it much at all; some days, it was slow and soft; and some days it was particularly loud and busy. On the days it was loud and active, I would sometimes look up from what I was doing and muse, ‘I wonder what’s going on?’ If a day or two went by without hearing much, I would miss it and wonder when it would be back. During this period, it was mostly the same “tune” or arrangement over and over again, well-organized. I noticed that the music seemed magnified in the presence of running water– for example, when the faucet is running, or I’m near bubbling fish tanks in my home or in a pet store.
Summer 2010: There are unusually long periods of silence, punctuated with occasional bursts of music.
This summer had unusually long periods of silence. Particularly, around the latter part of June and early July, I noticed that the music had been conspicuously absent for many days. There were short, faint bursts here and there, but so many days had gone by in unusual silence (a week?) that I began to wonder with some wistfulness if I would ever hear this music again. That is why it was impossible for me to not notice the sudden, loud burst of music which started (inside my head) on Fourth of July at exactly 9 pm, simultaneously with the first explosions of fireworks going off in neighboring towns (audible outside my head). I still cannot adequately explain to myself this synchronicity.
The summer of 2010 was a particularly challenging one for me physically. Over the summer, I was sick with two bouts of illness, which knocked me out flat and left me drained of every ounce of energy. Although I could guess at the source of the first bout of the illness, I could not begin to guess at the second one. During this time, although I did not register as having a fever, I felt as if I had a fever, with extreme fatigue, body aches, and a floaty, vibrating bodily sensation. By the time I started recovering my energy again at the end of the summer, the ground under me felt different, shaky. I remember one day shortly after recovery, forcing myself out for a walk in nature to be immersed in its healing effects, and noticing that the scenery of the hills looked wavy and “floaty,” as if I was looking at the world through the steamy mists that rise out of the road on hot summer days. Maybe I was experiencing the after-effects of the “fever,” but I remember thinking at the time that the world looked different and it felt different somehow.
Fall 2010: Music is back on a more regular basis, but has changed somewhat.
When the music first came back on a more regular basis in the very beginning of September 2010, it seemed to have changed somewhat. Whereas the music I was hearing earlier seemed more synchronized, repetitive, and assertive, rousing me into activity, the music I heard in the early fall of 2010 was more soft, complex, and varied. There was less of that same repeating tune, although I still heard it. Overall, the music seemed softer in volume and more ringing, with a smoother flow and more variation in the tune and sounds (“instruments”). At times, there were multiple lines of music, each of a different timbre, weaving through one another. Sometimes, it sounded like an entire orchestra, full and powerful and rich, with every instrument playing, and sometimes it sounded more simple, like crystals ringing, or a xylophone, or a soft bugle or a bassoon.
I find that when the music is particularly active, I wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes a few times a night. Often I wake up with the busy music in my head, and a gentle vibrating sensation in my body (although the vibration is so gentle that I can’t tell if my body is actually physically vibrating), as if my body is “ringing” along with the ringing music. After these nights, I often wake up in the morning very tired and achy, as if I’ve been up all night doing hard manual labor (perhaps because I did not sleep well).
I’ll never forget the experience I woke up to one morning in November of 2010. I had just woken up from the first night of deep, sound sleep, after several nights of interrupted sleep. As I stirred under the warm, soft blankets with my eyes still closed, feeling so completely well-rested, I realized that I was surrounded– “cocooned”– by the most heavenly sounds. There were several lines of ringing music of different “instruments”– one of them the rhythmic sound of air or water “rushing” by– accompanying each other beautifully. My whole body felt as if it were literally bathed in and supported by the inter-weaving, fluid, almost-palpable waves of these beautiful, ringing musical lines. I must say, I wondered for a split moment if I were in heaven.
The music has been relatively busy since December of last year (2010). It is not noticeably loud, but busy. Very occasionally, I hear particularly higher-pitched music (perhaps even since fall). The music seems to come mindless of my moods, whether I’m upset and agitated, or calm and peaceful.
So it continues– periods of music interspersed with periods of relative quiet. It is as if I’m being washed by gentle ocean waves, with their crests and troughs. The tempo, volume, and sounds vary over periods of time, even within a day. But unmistakably, unmistakably it is music that I’m hearing inside my head.
In part 2, I’ll share my explorations about the music.